World Hunger Girls by Peter Clarke

Andy was supposed to write an essay on ending world hunger. He went to the library to do some preliminary research.

For the past few days, he had sat around hating all the hungry people of the world.

“I hate hungry people,” he grumbled. “Adapt to eating dirt or just die already. There’s plenty of dirt. There’s nothing wrong with dying. Either way.”

At the library, he found the most obese books available on the topic; he didn’t put them in his backpack, but carried them in his arms so that he wouldn’t have to hold any doors open for any of those gross anorexic chicks with the hollow cheeks and flat asses.

It’s such bad timing when someone is walking just at the right distance behind you so that it’s impossible to get away with not holding the door open for them.

And of course it’s nearly always an anorexic chick.

Andy stopped by a coffeehouse. He asked the barista for the most fattening thing available.

“Um, that would probably be, like, a mocha made with half-and-half with whipped cream on top,” she answered.

“Is that good?”

“I don’t know,” she said, making a sour face, “I’ve never tried it.”

“Why not?”

She laughed. “Because…that’s kind of disgusting.”

“Well, that’s what I want,” said Andy, belligerently.

“Okay. Is that everything?”

“And a big chocolate muffin.”

Andy found a table in the corner and spread his books out all over; that way no one would be tempted to join him.

He ate his muffin and drank his mocha slowly, keeping an eye on the pretty barista, scrutinizing her seemingly healthy breasts and backside.

Peter Clarke is a recent law school graduate currently living in Sacramento, California. His short fiction has appeared in Pif Magazine, Curbside Splendor, Hobart, Elimae, Locus Novus, Denver Syntax, Pure Francis, The Legendary, Zygote in My Coffee, and elsewhere.